Saturday was another day spent with the boss, this time at the birthday part for his friend's wife, who has seemingly taken quite a liking to me (no, not like that). Birthday parties in Ukraine are quite fun, involving a metric ton of food and alcohol, both of which are to be consumed in great quantities, with the only interruptions being smoke breaks and the quite frequent toasts by each of the guests.
After only about 4 hours of non-stop eating and boozing, I informed everyone that I had to leave soon, as I was meeting a girl that evening. This quickly became the number one subject of conversation at the table, with everyone commenting and asking questions about her. Of course, this all resulted in yet another toast, made for me. The guy sitting next to me, a Ukrainian Militsiya (Police) Colonel, cautioned me on being careful with meeting random Ukrainian women, disregarding the fact that I had already met this girl and spent a quite harmless night with her. However, his toast to me was the phrase (translated from Russian), "For great force". My boss translated the phrase for me, and explained that sexual prowess and virility is referred to as "force". So...here's for great force!
Monday, September 30, 2013
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Ukrainian Housewarming
I just moved into my new apartment a few days ago, and I was giving a proper Ukrainian housewarming. My boss, the owner of the small English school that I teach at now, helped me bring my stuff over, and also made a point of picking up a few housewarming presents, namely some food (sizeable chunks of ham and cheese, and Georgian bread) and alcohol (Georgian cognac). We spent the evening hanging out on the balcony of my ninth floor flat, eating and drinking while bullshitting about various things and looking out at the river. I have a great view of the river here, as I live only about 400 meters away from it, with no buildings in between. Later, after we finished, he took me on a short nightime tour of some close-by places, ending in a bar while trying some Becherovka. My boss made plans for me for the next day, to show me around more of the district during daylight. Of course, I wasn't about to say no.
So, the next day, after classes, we met up with a friend of his, a retired police officer, and took a long walk around the district. We made a pit-stop in the same bar as the night before, grabbing another shot of Becherovka, and then continued on. The tour ended at his flat, where his wife proceeded to serve me some delicious borscht while informing me that there was a wedding party with some single women who were looking forward to meeting me. I had already double-booked myself for dates that evening, but figured that visiting a party wouldn't hurt, so off we went after finishing the meal, along with another shot of home-made spiced vodka.
The wedding party was at a local pizzeria not far from my boss's flat, and sure enough, there were a couple of cute, single girls there. My boss's wife warned me before that they both like to drink, and were a little drunk, but they appeared quite sober when I met them. We spent a great part of the rest of the day at the pizzeria, where we made repeated toasts along with shouts of "Vorka! Vorka!", which apparently is a tradition that involves the guests exhorting the bride and groom to kiss repeatedly. Many of the participants were indulging themselves in vodka, but I stuck to weak Ukrainian beer, as I'd already had a few shots of hard alcohol earlier, and I'm a fucking lightweight.
Unfortunately, the beer didn't really help. Minutes passed into hours, and day passed into evening. I didn't really forget about the two dates I booked, but I was having too good of a time to really care. I made it home pretty late, with the help of my boss's friend and his wife, who proceeded to invite me to her birthday party next weekend. I went up to my flat and immediately got online and proceeded to apologize to both of the women who I stood up. Surprisingly, neither of them were very angry, at least as far as I could tell. One of them evening made the comment, "So this - typical Slavic housewarming!" I guess she was right. I hope I don't have to move again anytime soon.
So, the next day, after classes, we met up with a friend of his, a retired police officer, and took a long walk around the district. We made a pit-stop in the same bar as the night before, grabbing another shot of Becherovka, and then continued on. The tour ended at his flat, where his wife proceeded to serve me some delicious borscht while informing me that there was a wedding party with some single women who were looking forward to meeting me. I had already double-booked myself for dates that evening, but figured that visiting a party wouldn't hurt, so off we went after finishing the meal, along with another shot of home-made spiced vodka.
The wedding party was at a local pizzeria not far from my boss's flat, and sure enough, there were a couple of cute, single girls there. My boss's wife warned me before that they both like to drink, and were a little drunk, but they appeared quite sober when I met them. We spent a great part of the rest of the day at the pizzeria, where we made repeated toasts along with shouts of "Vorka! Vorka!", which apparently is a tradition that involves the guests exhorting the bride and groom to kiss repeatedly. Many of the participants were indulging themselves in vodka, but I stuck to weak Ukrainian beer, as I'd already had a few shots of hard alcohol earlier, and I'm a fucking lightweight.
Unfortunately, the beer didn't really help. Minutes passed into hours, and day passed into evening. I didn't really forget about the two dates I booked, but I was having too good of a time to really care. I made it home pretty late, with the help of my boss's friend and his wife, who proceeded to invite me to her birthday party next weekend. I went up to my flat and immediately got online and proceeded to apologize to both of the women who I stood up. Surprisingly, neither of them were very angry, at least as far as I could tell. One of them evening made the comment, "So this - typical Slavic housewarming!" I guess she was right. I hope I don't have to move again anytime soon.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
An Ode to the Marshrutka
The marshrutka, for those of you who don't know and are too lazy to click on the link, is a short bus (somewhat similar in size to the "short school bus") that serves as the main means of intra-city public transportation here in Ukraine. They account for roughly a third of all vehicles that are seen on the roads here in my city. Up until a couple of months ago, I rarely set foot on one, and even then only with someone local who knew exactly where it would go. However, once I started dating my previous girlfriend, I used them quite often to go to her house, as taking a taxi every time was getting to be cost prohibitive. After moving out of my own flat located in the city center, though, they quickly became my means of going anywhere that was too far away to be a short walk, including to work.
Anyone who lives in the United States will be in for a bit of a shock the first time they board a marshrutka, and I was no exception. The small size of the marshrutka actually belies the amount of space on the inside. It's almost like stepping into the Tardis, except not quite as profound of a difference, and without all of flair, such as time traveling capabilities. However, once inside, you'll quickly find out that no matter how much space it seems to have, it's never quite enough, especially during the busy times of the day, or late at night, when only a few marshrutki are out and about.
The seats are laid out quite the same in all marshrutki (plural form of marshrutka), regardless of the type of vehicle. Most marshrutki have around 15 or 16 seats inside. Two seats in the left row, and one seat in the right, with the aisle in between. The windows are large and copious, and the seats can vary, ranging from comfortable and roomy, to cramped and torturous. Many marshrutki have a small baggage rack about the left row, and all have some kind of hand-bar that runs almost the full length of the passenger bay for the inevitable overflow passengers. Some marshrutki will even have passenger-side seats available in the driver compartment. The entry door for all passengers is on the left side of the vehicle.
Not all marshrutki here in my city have the same fare, but the average fare is about 2 gryvna (25 cents US). The fare will vary, often depending on the total length of the bus route, but most often you will pay about 2 gryvna. The fare is usually payed to the driver, who is most often quite adept at dishing out change while driving, although some marshrutki will include a second person whose job is to manage the fare. The marshrutki that run late at night will often have a security guard on board. Many people will pay the fare not immediately on entrance, but once they take their seat. They will then pass their fare on to the person in front of them, and it will be passed on in this manner until it reaches the driver, who will in turn dish out the change in the reverse order. Most people seem pretty honest about this process. I've never seen anyone try to skimp on the fare or keep someone else's change, although I wouldn't be surprised if it does happen.
As mentioned before, all of the space inside of a marshrutka is often not enough. When all of the seats are filled, passengers will still board at stops, and will stand in the aisle while holding onto the hand-bar up above. Sometimes it can get crowded enough to where people are packed in like sardines. The aisle, of course, is not very wide, and someone having to go from the back of the marshrutka to the front will have to push and squeeze their way through. Although some marshrutki do have doors in the back, most do not. Standing in the aisle, squeezed up between an old crabby babushka and a drunk gopnik while holding onto anything solid for dear life as the driver recklessly weaves through rush hour traffic is not a pleasant experience, but fortunately, this doesn't describe the majority of my times on a marshrutka.
I've come to generally enjoy my time on a marshrutka, as the frequent stops that it makes along its route, along with the inevitable logjam of marshrutki trying to jockey for position at the stops, usually means that I'm going to be on it for a while, regardless of how far I'm going. It's usually a good time to catch the sights of passing beautiful women while relaxing. Of course, how much relaxing I'm able to do when a bus with 15 seats is holding more than 30 people won't be that much, but still, it can be a fun experience.
So...here's to the glorious marshrutka, one of the many things that makes my time in Ukraine an interesting experience.
Anyone who lives in the United States will be in for a bit of a shock the first time they board a marshrutka, and I was no exception. The small size of the marshrutka actually belies the amount of space on the inside. It's almost like stepping into the Tardis, except not quite as profound of a difference, and without all of flair, such as time traveling capabilities. However, once inside, you'll quickly find out that no matter how much space it seems to have, it's never quite enough, especially during the busy times of the day, or late at night, when only a few marshrutki are out and about.
The seats are laid out quite the same in all marshrutki (plural form of marshrutka), regardless of the type of vehicle. Most marshrutki have around 15 or 16 seats inside. Two seats in the left row, and one seat in the right, with the aisle in between. The windows are large and copious, and the seats can vary, ranging from comfortable and roomy, to cramped and torturous. Many marshrutki have a small baggage rack about the left row, and all have some kind of hand-bar that runs almost the full length of the passenger bay for the inevitable overflow passengers. Some marshrutki will even have passenger-side seats available in the driver compartment. The entry door for all passengers is on the left side of the vehicle.
Not all marshrutki here in my city have the same fare, but the average fare is about 2 gryvna (25 cents US). The fare will vary, often depending on the total length of the bus route, but most often you will pay about 2 gryvna. The fare is usually payed to the driver, who is most often quite adept at dishing out change while driving, although some marshrutki will include a second person whose job is to manage the fare. The marshrutki that run late at night will often have a security guard on board. Many people will pay the fare not immediately on entrance, but once they take their seat. They will then pass their fare on to the person in front of them, and it will be passed on in this manner until it reaches the driver, who will in turn dish out the change in the reverse order. Most people seem pretty honest about this process. I've never seen anyone try to skimp on the fare or keep someone else's change, although I wouldn't be surprised if it does happen.
As mentioned before, all of the space inside of a marshrutka is often not enough. When all of the seats are filled, passengers will still board at stops, and will stand in the aisle while holding onto the hand-bar up above. Sometimes it can get crowded enough to where people are packed in like sardines. The aisle, of course, is not very wide, and someone having to go from the back of the marshrutka to the front will have to push and squeeze their way through. Although some marshrutki do have doors in the back, most do not. Standing in the aisle, squeezed up between an old crabby babushka and a drunk gopnik while holding onto anything solid for dear life as the driver recklessly weaves through rush hour traffic is not a pleasant experience, but fortunately, this doesn't describe the majority of my times on a marshrutka.
I've come to generally enjoy my time on a marshrutka, as the frequent stops that it makes along its route, along with the inevitable logjam of marshrutki trying to jockey for position at the stops, usually means that I'm going to be on it for a while, regardless of how far I'm going. It's usually a good time to catch the sights of passing beautiful women while relaxing. Of course, how much relaxing I'm able to do when a bus with 15 seats is holding more than 30 people won't be that much, but still, it can be a fun experience.
So...here's to the glorious marshrutka, one of the many things that makes my time in Ukraine an interesting experience.
Monday, August 26, 2013
A Long Time Coming...
I just noticed it's been exactly a month since my last blog entry. Um...sorry about that. I've been a bit busy. I have lots to talk about, but little that I want to go into in-depth right now. I'll just give a short summary of the last month, complete with bullet points.
- I broke up with my girlfriend several weeks ago. I thought for sure this relationship would last longer than the first one, but alas, fate had other plans for me. After dealing with her changing her mind about shit constantly, her drinking problem, her (supposedly) past drug problem, and the fact that her favorite past-time became criticizing my every last fucking fault, I got tired of her shit and sent her packing. A couple of weeks after doing so, I tried to make amends and give it another go, but that lasted all of a day before I suddenly remembered why I dumped her in the first place. I'm not thrilled about it still, but every time the sadness comes creeping back, all I have to do is remember shit like her making plans with me to go to the beach, then canceling at the last second to smoke pot with her brother. At least she didn't aske me for money...oh wait, she did. Twice. Good fucking riddance.
- I'm now officially homeless. However, this doesn't mean that I'm living in a cardboard box and sleeping on puke-covered mattresses. I'm staying with a (girl) friend until I find a cheaper apartment. However, this process has been going slow enough to the point where I'm wondering if my friend really wants me to leave.
- I'm broke, but the end of being broke is in sight. With summer winding down, I'm starting to get more students, slowly but surely, and classes seem to be picking up a little at the school. Hopefully by this time next month, things will be in full swing. Hopefully.
- I got a nasty sunburn, thanks to a new girl I met taking the opportunity to go with me to the beach on my birthday. The burn is mostly gone now, and most of what's left are layers of peeling skin, but it's nice to be able to walk without being in constant agony.
That's all for now. I'll write more later.
- I broke up with my girlfriend several weeks ago. I thought for sure this relationship would last longer than the first one, but alas, fate had other plans for me. After dealing with her changing her mind about shit constantly, her drinking problem, her (supposedly) past drug problem, and the fact that her favorite past-time became criticizing my every last fucking fault, I got tired of her shit and sent her packing. A couple of weeks after doing so, I tried to make amends and give it another go, but that lasted all of a day before I suddenly remembered why I dumped her in the first place. I'm not thrilled about it still, but every time the sadness comes creeping back, all I have to do is remember shit like her making plans with me to go to the beach, then canceling at the last second to smoke pot with her brother. At least she didn't aske me for money...oh wait, she did. Twice. Good fucking riddance.
- I'm now officially homeless. However, this doesn't mean that I'm living in a cardboard box and sleeping on puke-covered mattresses. I'm staying with a (girl) friend until I find a cheaper apartment. However, this process has been going slow enough to the point where I'm wondering if my friend really wants me to leave.
- I'm broke, but the end of being broke is in sight. With summer winding down, I'm starting to get more students, slowly but surely, and classes seem to be picking up a little at the school. Hopefully by this time next month, things will be in full swing. Hopefully.
- I got a nasty sunburn, thanks to a new girl I met taking the opportunity to go with me to the beach on my birthday. The burn is mostly gone now, and most of what's left are layers of peeling skin, but it's nice to be able to walk without being in constant agony.
That's all for now. I'll write more later.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Things I've Seen in Ukraine...
Here's a random list of strange, interesting, and perhaps even not-so-interesting things I've seen here, most of which I haven't mentioned yet. These are in no particular order. I'll probably create a follow-up post sometime down the road when I've seen more crazy and fucked up things.
...groups of "gopniki" walking around...everywhere.
...Ukrainain "militsiya" (police) beating the shit out of some random hoodlum at 3am.
...an old, senile babushka dropping her panties and taking a piss on the street, in full view of young children.
...50+ year old American men, walking arm-in-arm with young 20-something year old hotties, out on the main central street.
...some random homeless guy with blood gushing from his head, walking around as if everything was normal.
...a toothless old drunk trying to ask me for a cigarette in Russian, while I pretended to not understand anything he said. He wasn't convinced, and didn't give up on it easily.
...random older Ukrainian men proposition every girl they see for sex in exchange for money.
...plenty of deathly, evil stares from before stated "gopniki".
...just about every female student of mine asking if I have a girlfriend...even the married ones.
...my life flash before my eyes as a random marshrutka ran a red light, doing something north of 60km/h and missing me by a mere 6 inches while I crossed the road on the way to work.
...a female friend of mine telling me we won't have sex since I now have a girlfriend, and then a few seconds later pulling my cock out of my boxers to go to town on it with her mouth, while her best friend (female) sat and watched just a few feet away from us.
Ok, it looks like I lied in a previous blog entry. To my credit, though, I didn't have sex with her, and didn't even finish in her mouth. That's gotta count for something, right?
...groups of "gopniki" walking around...everywhere.
...Ukrainain "militsiya" (police) beating the shit out of some random hoodlum at 3am.
...an old, senile babushka dropping her panties and taking a piss on the street, in full view of young children.
...50+ year old American men, walking arm-in-arm with young 20-something year old hotties, out on the main central street.
...some random homeless guy with blood gushing from his head, walking around as if everything was normal.
...a toothless old drunk trying to ask me for a cigarette in Russian, while I pretended to not understand anything he said. He wasn't convinced, and didn't give up on it easily.
...random older Ukrainian men proposition every girl they see for sex in exchange for money.
...plenty of deathly, evil stares from before stated "gopniki".
...just about every female student of mine asking if I have a girlfriend...even the married ones.
...my life flash before my eyes as a random marshrutka ran a red light, doing something north of 60km/h and missing me by a mere 6 inches while I crossed the road on the way to work.
...a female friend of mine telling me we won't have sex since I now have a girlfriend, and then a few seconds later pulling my cock out of my boxers to go to town on it with her mouth, while her best friend (female) sat and watched just a few feet away from us.
Ok, it looks like I lied in a previous blog entry. To my credit, though, I didn't have sex with her, and didn't even finish in her mouth. That's gotta count for something, right?
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
My 4th of July
I just read this blog post over at the Return of Kings site, and it inspired me to write about my own 4th of July.
My July 4th was pretty similiar, with only a few exceptions. My girlfriend invited me over to her flat the night before, cooked me Green Borscht while I sat in the kitchen, smoking and downing shots of cognac while watching her cook. After dinner, she washed all of the dishes, again while I watched. We then went to her bedroom, where we went several rounds of some incredible, mind-blowing sex. We took a shower together afterward, where she gave my body a thorough washing, and we sat in her living room while smoking, drinking, and talking. We had even more incredible sex before finally going to sleep.
The day of July 4th, she cooked me lunch; this time, Ukrainian "galubtsi", which we downed with more cognac and beer. We had even more incredible, mind-blowing sex before I left her apartment and went home, I considered calling one of my secondary girls for some more fun that evening, but was simply too drained from all of the incredible sex that my girlfriend gave me, while sitting fat and happy, stuffed with incredible food that she cooked for me. It was the best 4th of July I ever had, and my first that didn't take place in the US. Happy birthday, America...
My July 4th was pretty similiar, with only a few exceptions. My girlfriend invited me over to her flat the night before, cooked me Green Borscht while I sat in the kitchen, smoking and downing shots of cognac while watching her cook. After dinner, she washed all of the dishes, again while I watched. We then went to her bedroom, where we went several rounds of some incredible, mind-blowing sex. We took a shower together afterward, where she gave my body a thorough washing, and we sat in her living room while smoking, drinking, and talking. We had even more incredible sex before finally going to sleep.
The day of July 4th, she cooked me lunch; this time, Ukrainian "galubtsi", which we downed with more cognac and beer. We had even more incredible, mind-blowing sex before I left her apartment and went home, I considered calling one of my secondary girls for some more fun that evening, but was simply too drained from all of the incredible sex that my girlfriend gave me, while sitting fat and happy, stuffed with incredible food that she cooked for me. It was the best 4th of July I ever had, and my first that didn't take place in the US. Happy birthday, America...
Thursday, July 4, 2013
A Tale of Two Zs
I haven't posted much within the last month. Sorry about that. Real life has gotten in the way, though. And what I mean by real life, is dealing with women. I really didn't mean this blog to turn into a recording of my sexual exploits, but that's what it's turned out to be. This shouldn't be surprise to anyone, considering why most men come to Ukraine to begin with.
As anyone who has been reading this blog frequently should recall, my first girlfriend here was named Z. The next two most serious women that came along are named...well, Z also. While Slavic women don't tend to have many variations in names, I didn't think that this particular name would be my "lucky number".
I met Z2 in the normal way that I meet women here: on an online dating site. We talked for a while, but couldn't manage to meet, as she was busy going on vacations and work related assignments (she's a well known journalist in my city). After about a month or so of talking, we managed to meet up several times, and she made my stay here a lot more interesting.
Yes, I know what you're thinking. "How can any one woman make your stay more interesting?" No, it wasn't due to her being good in the sack (actually, she's just ok, which honestly isn't saying much, considering my experience here so far). She actually managed to show me around quite a bit of the city, particularly several historical sites. Being an ardent student of history, that caught my intention.
What also helped was the fact that she's a fan of a certain British sci-fi show, and that she knows English fairly well. We spent plenty of nights holed up in my flat, watching episode after episode of this very long running series. While we were both realling digging each other, and had plenty in common, something was still off regarding wanting to go long term with her. We both eventually decided to remain as friends.
So, enter Z3. She's a Ukrainian born half-gypsy artist, who lived in Spain for 6 years and just recently returned home. I met her in the standard way, and met her in person pretty quickly. With her, there was instant chemistry. Her English isn't very good, but she knows some, and actually speaks Spanish very well. We communicate in what has become a pretty unique mixture of English, Spanish, and Russian.
I only met her a week ago, and we've already become a constant fixture to each other. There's definitely more chemistry with her than anyone else I've met here, and it looks like my stories of sexual exploits are going to be on hold. At least for a while...
As anyone who has been reading this blog frequently should recall, my first girlfriend here was named Z. The next two most serious women that came along are named...well, Z also. While Slavic women don't tend to have many variations in names, I didn't think that this particular name would be my "lucky number".
I met Z2 in the normal way that I meet women here: on an online dating site. We talked for a while, but couldn't manage to meet, as she was busy going on vacations and work related assignments (she's a well known journalist in my city). After about a month or so of talking, we managed to meet up several times, and she made my stay here a lot more interesting.
Yes, I know what you're thinking. "How can any one woman make your stay more interesting?" No, it wasn't due to her being good in the sack (actually, she's just ok, which honestly isn't saying much, considering my experience here so far). She actually managed to show me around quite a bit of the city, particularly several historical sites. Being an ardent student of history, that caught my intention.
What also helped was the fact that she's a fan of a certain British sci-fi show, and that she knows English fairly well. We spent plenty of nights holed up in my flat, watching episode after episode of this very long running series. While we were both realling digging each other, and had plenty in common, something was still off regarding wanting to go long term with her. We both eventually decided to remain as friends.
So, enter Z3. She's a Ukrainian born half-gypsy artist, who lived in Spain for 6 years and just recently returned home. I met her in the standard way, and met her in person pretty quickly. With her, there was instant chemistry. Her English isn't very good, but she knows some, and actually speaks Spanish very well. We communicate in what has become a pretty unique mixture of English, Spanish, and Russian.
I only met her a week ago, and we've already become a constant fixture to each other. There's definitely more chemistry with her than anyone else I've met here, and it looks like my stories of sexual exploits are going to be on hold. At least for a while...
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